“Things change. They always do, it’s one of the things of nature. Most people are afraid of change, but if you look at it as something you can always count on, then it can be a comfort.” -Robert Kincaid, Bridges of Madison County (1995)
When I walked across the graduation stage to get my diploma, I felt as though I was on top of the world. Peering out into the audience on that sweltering afternoon was an experience unlike any other – a moment that solidified that all my hard work had paid off throughout my academic career. At that moment, the possibilities of my future limitlessly extended out before me, almost like looking out into vast, seemingly endless ocean.
In college, I worked hard and played hard: fitting happy hours with friends in between studying for exams, waking up at the crack of dawn to finish papers before their due dates, and networking like a madwoman at every chance I got. I saw finite dates as ways to measure my success: reaching the end of the final exam period, attaining a higher GPA than the semester before, and, ultimately, reaching graduation day. That was the process for the past four years in college, and quite frankly, my entire life before that. So, as I began my job search after graduation, I expected the same results; apply to a bunch of jobs, get one quickly, and start working.
Three months later, I realized that my predictions proved themselves to be extremely inaccurate.
I relentlessly applied to jobs to no avail – I put in the work, and failed to see immediate results like I did when I was in school. As time passed, I found myself growing depressed. There were days that I couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed because I simply didn’t have the motivation or willingness to face a world that I didn’t understand anymore. When it came time for everyone to go back to school, I found myself sitting anxiously on the sidelines, feeling like I was missing out on something. I lost my appetite, I felt jittery, and, most of all, I felt like a total failure.
The truth is that post-grad life has no roadmap. Truly. Up until this point in time, we’ve had a structured life that was easily comparable to that of our peers. However, once we get our diplomas, it’s all up in the air. Some people move back home, others move to a new city. Some find jobs before they even graduate, and others take months to find the right fit. Some people handle the transition into “real life” with grace, and others struggle with it.
Despite these differences, I think all recent graduates can come to terms with one statement – we all have no idea what the hell we’re doing.
Whether or not a recent college graduate has struggled with his or her mental health in the past, it’s not uncommon for post-college depression to creep up and wreak havoc. When you really think about it, feeling upset by this major life transition is completely normal and should be expected. For many of us, college holds the most instrumental years of our lives for personal growth to date. We experience a wide range of firsts – living away from home for the first time, experiencing our first love or heartbreak, and learning how to manage our time all by ourselves for the first time. Once we’ve finally settled into this new lifestyle, it gets ripped away from us completely, leaving us to figure out how to navigate the working world on our own.
For me, these past few months after graduation have been difficult. But as I start to accept that my time in college has now come to a close, I am now seeing this post-grad transition in a new light. I’ve spent a lot of time with myself over this summer, and I really got to know who I am without the obligations I was tied to when I was in college. It’s not uncommon to feel like you’re experiencing a bit of an identity crisis when you leave behind the familiarity of your school, but it can actually give you more clarity on what it is you truly want out of life.
I’m beginning to discover that some of the things I thought I wanted during college are not truly in alignment with who I am becoming. I’m starting to transition from someone who desperately wanted to know what would lie ahead into someone who is choosing roll with the punches instead. By letting go of control and trusting in what happens naturally instead, I’m opening myself up to possibilities that I wouldn’t have even considered beforehand.
If you’re also struggling with this major life change in any capacity, please know that you’re not alone. Major life changes, even positive ones like graduating college, can often feel like a loss. The close of a chapter, the end of an era. If you’re upset about the change, it’s totally ok to let yourself be upset. I often find myself trying desperately to stay positive when I’m not actually feeling great on the inside, and I’ve found that taking the time to allow myself to be sad is actually incredibly productive in the healing process.
Another uplifting sentiment that has helped me is knowing that this time of life is only temporary. You won’t be lost and confused forever. Growth can be extremely painful, but integral to reaching your fullest potential. All the times that you feel like you’re remaining stagnant are actually serving a larger purpose in your life. You may not know exactly what that lesson is right now, but you will discover it soon, and actually look back on these times with a newfound respect.
It’s now early September. A few weeks ago, I found myself leaving a job interview in New York City smiling. I went to see an off-broadway show with my mother, and we had dinner in a cozy and beautifully decorated restaurant tucked into a corner of the city. At that point, I didn’t know for sure if I had gotten the job. I didn’t know where I would end up, or if I was doing the “right” thing. But I realized that it didn’t matter. And that’s when I finally started to accept what I couldn’t control, and focused on the good things that happened that day. I realized that, yes, my life is changing, but it might actually be leading to me somewhere even better than it was before. While change is painful – sometimes unbearable – the results that follow are always beautiful. And that is something worth looking forward to.
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